From a leopard in the dining room and a jackdaw in the kitchen to a demonic dog, a crazed cat and a ferret that invades the children's room, Bronwen Reilly brings together the most ill-behaved pet monsters in the history of English country houses. to introduce. Illustrations by David Sten.
It was the end of a shameful week in which my irresistibly entitled whippets committed outrageous acts across the country.
In Cumbria, he was banned from yet another drawing room for stepping up to enter an elaborate silk curtain that belonged to the editor of a glossy interiors magazine.
Trapped in the kitchen of his Hertfordshire home, he quickly figured out how to open the back staircase door and lead my host's two incontinent Italian greyhounds through the luxurious new pale carpet. He ran rampant through the carpeted bedroom.
In Scotland, as we all sat down to dinner, we saw teeth marks in the butter that could only have been the result of a smug whippet who was sprawled out on the couch licking its lips. I deftly removed the marks, hoping no one would notice.
In troubling times like this, I seek solace in the classics. There will always be a scary emperor who keeps everything in perspective. And he seeks solace from friends who have animals even more outrageous than his own. For those despairing over their pet's misbehavior, here's a room-by-room investigation into country house pet crime, with hard-won advice from both victims and perpetrators.
Credit: David Stoten
dining room humiliation
Since classical times, opinions have been highly divided on whether or not to substitute pets for meals. The Greek poet Anacreon had a pigeon that ate from his hand and drank water from his cup. And the craziest of Roman emperors, Heliogabalus, took malicious delight in letting his pet lions and leopards climb onto the couch next to his anxious guests at dinner. Renaissance etiquette books advised against bringing dogs and cats to the table, suggesting that many people did so.
keeping a pet in Although the tables were separate, writer Thomas Hardy's spoiled dog, Wessex, was allowed to roam. upon table during meal. Cynthia Asquith recalled how, as the generous Mr. Hardy watched, he snatched forkfuls of food before it could reach her mouth.
It's one thing to have your pet swipe at someone else's food, but it's an entirely different matter when your pets eat each other, especially in public. During a now legendary Sunday lunch hosted by the late Major Tim Riley of Blencoe, Cumbria, his black Labrador sneaked into the dining room and started making the cat sick under the sideboard. Without interrupting the conversation, Major Riley stood up and deftly placed a napkin over the body. He is said to have had a very bushy tail.
Reception room disaster
Animuras on furniture? Martha, Mrs. Sitwell's dogs, Ethel and Ernie are no longer lying on her couch. That's because her mistress was chased away by a new member of her family, a magpie named Hecate. “Ever since I read about Gerald Durrell's 'Mazen Pie,' I've wanted a magpie. my family and other animals” confesses Mrs. Sitwell. “I think Hecate is a bit codependent, incontinent, and a horrible thief. Sometimes her friends take her to sleepovers to give me a break, but they… First you have to empty the entire drawing room and stuff everything in bubble wrap.
“She'll steal the ice from your drink, and she can't resist drinking wine. She likes to feather it. But what she really likes is cigarettes, which she breaks up and hides.” Masu.”
Credit: David Stoten
Lurcher breeder Tarn Riley's Jackdaws also loved tobacco. “One of their worst tricks was to grab a cigarette from their lips and fly around the room like a phoenix, sparks flying.” Because of this, we got into a lot of trouble with the village. ”
“We always thought one of the puppies we walked for Ullswater Foxhounds was skittish,” says Lakeland farmer Jimmy Hodgson. “She was called Ransom, and once she got inside, whenever the pack was hunting in our area, she would tell me, 'cause I was out hunting for fun. She went unnoticed–she found her way home, entered the house, and was found lying across the muddy couch. He would often stop by the Howtown Hotel to see if there was food in the kitchen.
“We had to call the hunter and then let him know she was missing so he could come get her. As she grew up, things like that is now happening more frequently.”
kitchen disaster
Kitchens equipped with Agas have a special attraction for birds. “My Jackdaw loved the Aga rail on which he hung his dish towels,” Riley recalls.
“They would jump up and down on them, and I would often find a pile of rags on the floor with a very cross-shaped jackdaw underneath.”
Credit: David Stoten
At Dinery in Lancashire, Cosima Townley had to put a child lock on her fridge after her whipped pet Bat learned to wiggle his sharp little nose between the seal and the door. I always know he's up to no good when he disappears into the garden with determined steps. There I discovered the sad remains of many empty cartons of cheese, fish, chocolate and cake. The only good thing I can say about his kleptomania is that his fur is very shiny and, thank God, he has a stomach of iron. ”
Although he is currently banned from all of his siblings' homes, Miss Townley insists Bat is a wonderful guest. “Because Bat never turns down an invitation and always leaves behind a clean plate, just as her nanny tells him to do.”
bad things about the bedroom
If you want to seduce in the bedroom, keep pets away at all costs. Jason Gathone-Hardy, an artist and farmer from Great Glemham, Suffolk, comes from a generational family of zoologists (his grandfather carried a black bat in his pocket), but the lessons he learned as an undergraduate as a zoologist are: says the following: I had a full-blown panic attack when the semi-adult wolf spider I kept under my bed started scratching to get out of its box to feed on nocturnal crickets. I also raised crickets. ” He lost the girl, but left only the spider. “Our hallways had a rather Mediterranean feel, with crickets chirping and sometimes spiders running away.” (Incidentally, the ancient Greeks also kept crickets as pets.)
It's one thing to crawl down a hallway, but quite another to take advantage of a bedroom in a strange house. “When I lived in Weston [Hall, Northamptonshire], I had a wonderful cat named Chairman Meow,” Lady Sitwell shared. “He basically owned the entire village and everyone hated him. He would sneak into people's homes and be found sleeping in his owner's bed instead of the cat's bed. . He also ruled the dogs with claws of iron.”
“I once lived with a very nice man called Marky Lydiard, and he had a Jack Russell called Slug who had a bad habit of being obsessed with hedgehogs,” Mrs Riley added. “He used to roll around in the hedgehog hole. And you know, the thing about hedgehogs is that they're covered in fleas. The slug one day, unnoticed by Marky, One night I heard the most frightening commotion coming from Markie's room, the window opened and Markie threw all his bedding out the window into the garden, pulled down his blankets and found his stuff. The bed is black with fleas.''
nursery school prank
While Chairman Meow entered through cat flaps and windows, Miss Townley's white pencil ferret, Miss Fitzherbert, had a more alarming habit of tunneling through rubble walls. “She once fell from the wall into my nephew and her niece's bedroom in the middle of the night and she stupidly scared them. Her sister never forgave me,” she said. Reveal. “Otherwise, she was perfectly biddable, and I was able to lead her.”
Credit: David Stoten
When she was young, Caroline, Countess of Cranbrook, decided to take a pony upstairs to celebrate her birthday one year as a reward for her mother.
She managed to get him up the Elizabethan spiral staircase at Doddington Hall in Lincolnshire to the nursery. There, the pony looked quite large under the low ceiling. Trying to get it back down the stairs proved even more difficult.
Her son, Gathone Hardy, agrees that the animals upstairs could be dangerous. “We leave the door open for our domesticated sheep and ducks. They have a habit of participating in our meals, preferably unless they poop.” They stay on the kitchen floor and don't come upstairs. yeah. When my neighbor, a beef farmer, was told that one of his cows had escaped into someone's house, his first and only question was, “Did it go upstairs?” .
horror in the hallway
Pets always pick up on the excitement of busy seasons and holidays and look forward to big events, even to make the most of extra food and messes. “There was a big Boxing Day lunch at Holker.” [Hall, Cumbria]There were hundreds of kids running around,” Sue Crew recalls.
“My Labrador Guinness ran into the hall and grabbed my niece Lucy's dog tightly.” [Cavendish] Whippets, just like everyone else has come through. All the children were completely transfixed, asking, “Mommy, what are you doing with Guinness?''
“Someone tried to throw a bucket of water over them, but of course it had no effect and only made the whole scene even more dramatic and memorable for everyone.”
Butter won't melt, right? No… Credit: Daniel Gould / Country Life
We are pleased to announce the winners and runners-up of our contest in partnership with Lily's Kitchen. Britain's naughtiest dog.
Illustrations by John Holder of “No Dogs on the Bed.''Credit: John Holder
Inspired by Country Life's search for Britain's naughtiest dogs, illustrator John Holder tells Katie Birchall why he dedicated the fun dog
